Who's to Blame?

One of the issues as a rape survivor is, who's to blame?  For years I blamed myself.  Did the decisions I made lead to my attack?  Did I ask for it?  Was I just to stupid to see it coming?  And the big one; was God trying to get my attention or teach me a lesson?  I struggled with these questions (and many more) for years.  I settled, for a time, on blaming God, but not in a bad way!  I was scared to be mad at God so I just figured He had His reasons and I would just be gracious and accept it and move on.  I even thanked God for choosing me to be sexually assaulted!!! 

 WOW!  I blow my own mind sometimes at the things I believe!  I find it very interesting that I never placed the blame where it belonged.  I never blamed the rapist.  Don't get me wrong, I knew what he did was wrong, and I was hurt on a level that I cannot even express in words, but the emotion that I reserved for the rapist was, wait for it.......sadness!  Yes, I felt sorry for him!  Even before I knew why, I felt sorry for him.  I just could not for the life of me wrap my head around how he could have been so evil.  Why was he so evil?

  It was only after God reveled some TRUTH to me that the blame was to rest on the one responsible for all that evil.  It was Satan!  The ruler of the darkness.  See, God is LIGHT and there is NO darkness in Him!  It is the enemy who comes to kill, steal, and destroy.  God comes to give LIFE and give it in abundance!!!  I was giving God credit for something the devil was responsible for!  My Daddy God is a life GIVER!!!  Satan is a life killer!  I also came to the understanding that my rapist made choices, out of his free will, he allowed himself to be so influenced by the enemy that he was capable of  caring out the unspeakable acts that day.  God didn't give him the ability or instruction to rape me! 

 I do not have ALL the answers but I do know what the Lord has reveled to me and shown me.  Everything else is on a need-to-know basis and when I hit that point I replace my questions with TRUST and FAITH that God is the ultimate winner and I will be delivered to my place at His feet when HE sees fit, NOT when the devil says so!  See, if it were up to Satan, I believe he would have taken me out that day.  BUT GOD!  God was with me then and He has been with me everyday since, and He still has work for me to do in HIS Name! 

 When I share this belief, some have asked me why I think God "allowed" this to happen to me.  Why do bad things happen to good people???  In case you haven't noticed, we live in a fallen world!  All I know is that God is GOD and I trust Him.  He is ABOVE Satan and his demons that roam this earth!  And a day is coming when HE will stand and even the demons will bow down!  I am on HIS side, no matter what!  I have had this vision of the demons bowing and all evil bowing like cowards, and all of GOD'S CHILDREN are standing behind Him peeking around His robe, safe behind DADDY!!!!  At that time we will no longer have to exist in a world filled with evil.  BUT, until that day comes, it is up to us (as Christians) to speak TRUTH into as many lives as we can!  Greater is HE that is living inside of me!  We have the Holy Spirit as our helper, and we are to be a witness to the LOVE and SALVATION of Jesus Christ!  Let's live our lives like we have been changed, and be LIFE CHANGERS!!!!!

BLESSED TO BE A BLESSING!