Wednesday, November 21, 2012

One Year

This past year has been like none other in my life.  As I look back over what all God has brought me and my family through my heart fills with thanksgiving overflow!  One year ago, on Thanksgiving Day, we said goodbye (for now) to 7 boys who we had opened our lives and our hearts to for almost 6 years.  Max, Hunter and I took the call to be houseparents in a boys home, giving up life as we had always known it!  With our families support, we left our home and belongings behind to love on and care for boys who were, for whatever reasons, unable to live with their biological families.  Our lives changed from day one and our hearts were stretched beyond what I could imagine!!!  There were good days, great days and bad days, but everyday included love!  We gave ours to them and received theirs for us!!!  These boys quickly became "my boys".  Living together 24/7 for almost 6 years, when we knew it was time for us to leave, my heart HURT!  the thought of "leaving" my boys was almost too much to even comprehend.  There were reasons, some beyond our control, that made the decision to leave something we felt we had to do.  We completely poured our hearts out to God concerning this move.  He gave us a peace about leaving and I do believe He has protected our hearts and the boys' hearts, but I has not been easy!  My heart LONGS for my boys!  To hug them, to tell them how much I love them.  There was a "rule" at the facility we worked for that prohibited us from having any contact with our boys after we left, for six month!  We talked with the boys about this and we assured them that as soon as our six months was up we would be back to see them!  We promised them that while we did have to go, we would always be a part of their lives, just in a different way.  Without going into the details, it has now been a year and we have still not been allowed to have contact with our boys. 

We were allowed to spend our last Thanksgiving Day with our boys, with our extended families (who had also become a part of the boys' family).  That night, at 6 o'clock, we were instructed to "turn over" our boys to another set of houseparents.  We tried to make it upbeat, for the boys.  The other set of houseparents were so wonderful in making this transition as smooth as it could be.  We left them with hugs, kisses, smiles, and the promise to see them again in six months!!!  As soon as the car door shut, my entire body grieved.  I cannot explain how, as a mother, I just wanted to take them all with us!!! 

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day.  It's our first Thanksgiving without our boys.  In the natural, as a mother, my heart still longs to hold them and talk to them and tell them that they matter and I LOVE THEM MORE THAN THEY WILL EVER KNOW!  I want them to know that THEY HAVE NOT BEEN FORGOTTEN!!!!!!  THEY WILL NEVER BE FORGOTTEN!!!!  My family and I continue to trust God to open a way for us to be a part of their lives again, and I BELIEVE HE WILL!!!  He can open doors that NO MAN, OR WOMAN can even attempt to close! 

So tomorrow, just like every day since last Thanksgiving, I will be thankful for the change my boys have made in my live, my heart.  I will pray for them and trust the Holy Spirit to supernaturally fill their hearts with LOVE straight from our hearts! But most of all, I pray that The love of Daddy God will overtake them and they know that they are loved by THE ONE WHO CREATED LOVE!!!!!